Mental Miles – Episode 11

Chains, Cousins, and Chasing Boston

This weekend was a bit of a throwback for me—a cousins’ weekend. There’s four of us who have been thick as thieves since we were kids: Raymond (the oldest and the unofficial ringleader), me, Crystal, and Melissa. We grew up together, got into trouble together, and shared the kind of teenage adventures you could only pull off before cell phones tracked your every move.

Life did its thing—we grew up, had families, got jobs, and drifted into our own worlds. But somehow, that original four has stayed connected. Even if I’m the most distant of the group, when we’re together, it’s like no time has passed.

They know me well. They know I’m a guy who sometimes just needs space, so they make sure I have my own room, my own quiet corner. I appreciate it more than I can say. But there’s always this voice in my head: “Am I the guy they have to work around? The one they make exceptions for?” That’s anxiety for you—it’ll take a kind gesture and twist it into a self-conscious knot.

My anxiety’s been riding high lately. Not the “heart racing, can’t breathe” kind. More like an ongoing background hum, always there, always draining. It’s exhausting. I’ve learned to operate with it, but man, it takes a toll.

I didn’t run today. On purpose. I’ve been logging long runs—10 km or more—almost every time out. But today, I let myself take a break. Partly because I’ve got a big decision in front of me: I’m signing up for the Stewart McKee Marathon in Fredericton this May. It’s a Boston Marathon qualifier. Is it overly optimistic to think I can qualify for Boston on my first try? Absolutely. Am I going to give it a ridiculous, stubborn, possibly unwise go? Also absolutely.

The Bathroom Saga (Finally Moving)

Quick side note: hallelujah, the shower is finally 100% tiled and grouted. This has felt like a two-year odyssey in slow motion. Still have the rest of the bathroom to finish, but that shower… I might just stand in there for an hour tomorrow and pretend I’m in a luxury spa.

New Paws in the Family

Big family news—we’ve got a new little dog on the way. A Chihuahua puppy. I have no idea how Princess—my daughter’s dog and my accidental best friend—is going to handle it. That dog chose me without my permission, and now we’re basically inseparable. She reads me better than most humans do. I swear she can sense my mood before I even open my mouth.

The Chains I Wear

Now for the heavy bit. Addiction.
I’ve got an addictive personality—always have. I smoked for years. Then I quit smoking… and started vaping. And I hate vaping. Hate it. If I’m serious about Boston, there’s no way I can run that race with a vape in my back pocket like some nicotine security blanket.

And then there’s weed. Yeah, I smoke a lot. More than I want to admit. And if I’m being brutally honest, a good chunk of my anxiety probably has its roots right there. It’s like I’ve got two chains—vape and weed—wrapped around me. I’m holding the key to both, but for some reason I keep pretending the lock’s broken.

It’s not a mountain to climb, it’s not a marathon to run—it’s a mental battle. One I can win if I actually want to. And that’s the thing: it’s got to come from me. Not my wife, not my friends, not my cousins—me. I’m not going to talk about it to them. This is personal. This is mine to fight.

Because here’s how I see it: if I can break those chains, I’m going to be lighter, faster, and stronger—not just for Boston, but for everything.

Training for More Than Miles

In the end, the race is just part of it. This isn’t just a running plan—it’s a life plan. Every long run, every skipped vape break, every day I choose clarity over haze… it’s all part of that finish line moment I can already picture.

And yeah, maybe it’s ambitious. Maybe I’m setting myself up for a fight I won’t win on the first try. But that’s the point. It’s not about making it easy—it’s about making it worth it.

So here we go. Miles to run. Chains to break. And one hell of a finish line waiting in Boston.